Stalking

Supporting someone who has been impacted by stalking should be done with care, empathy, and respect for their experiences. Most victims of stalking talk to their friends, family, or someone else they trust about the situation before pursuing any sort of professional or legal help. If a stalking victim talks to you, your response makes a huge difference in if they feel validated or seek help.

Here are some ways to provide support to someone impacted by stalking:

• Listen and believe: Start by actively listening. Offer a nonjudgmental and safe space for them to share their experiences. Take them seriously and don’t respond with disbelief or skepticism, or downplay their experiences. Believe and validate their feelings and emotions.
• Focus on actions: Focus on the stalker’s actions rather than the victim’s responses. Even well-meaning questions and comments can unintentionally blame the victim. Remind them that the stalking is not their fault.
• Provide resources: Offer information about available resources, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor, the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center (External Site), etc. Remember you are not expected to be the expert. Allow them to decide if and when they want to access these resources. Help them access these resources if they need additional support.
• Encourage documentation: Encourage them to document stalking behaviors and incidents, noting names, dates, times, and locations of encounters. Use the free documentation logs available from the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center (External Site) for guidance.
• Encourage safety planning: Encourage them to create a safety plan that includes steps to take in case of immediate danger and contact information for support services. Connect them with a trained advocate, such as their campus Confidential Resource Advisor or local domestic violence or sexual assault support center, who can assist them with planning.
• Encourage professional help: Help them think through options, such as reaching out to their campus Confidential Resource Advisor or local domestic violence or sexual assault support center, or campus or local law enforcement. Victims may or may not want to take action. Respect their choices.
• Respect their privacy: Respect their privacy and confidentiality. Do not share their story or experiences without their explicit consent, especially with their stalker. Remember that their stalker may have contact with other people in their life, such as mutual friends or coworkers, and discussing their experiences with others can put them at further risk.
• Encourage self care: Remind them to prioritize self care. Suggest activities that bring them comfort, and offer to engage in these activities together.
• Check in: Regularly check in with them to see how they are doing and if they need any support. Let them know you are still there for them. Ask them how they feel the safest being contacted and use that medium to contact them. Some stalkers monitor their victims’ phones, social media accounts, or other forms of digital communication.
• Educate yourself: Learn about the impacts of stalking and trauma. Keep up to date on the various resources available. Prepare yourself to better understand and support the person who has experienced stalking.

The key to supporting someone is being understanding and compassionate and validating their experiences. This can be challenging when the stalking behaviors don’t seem scary or emotionally distressing to you. However, remember that minimizing stalking behaviors makes it less likely the victim will seek the professional or legal help they deserve to reclaim their sense of security and well-being.

Supporting someone who has experienced stalking can be emotionally difficult. Seek your own support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist if needed. You can also connect with your campus Confidential Resource Advisor or an advocate at your local sexual assault support center for additional support.